1) Honor Your Feelings and Emotions.  Lean into that pain.  Feel that anger.  Try this exercise.

Allow yourself some time to acknowledge what the hell you’ve been through.  Do this with the intention of honoring your experience and releasing the pain.  Close your eyes and imagine what the pain would look like if it were a tangible object.  What color would it be?  What size?  Shape?  Smell?  How would it feel to the touch?  Is it ice cold?  Hot?  Sticky?  Hard as stone? Give it a name.  

Now visualize yourself eliminating that object.  Gather it up from inside you and let it out into the air.  Imagine it breaking into a thousand pieces and disintegrating until there is nothing left but clean air.  Let it pass through you and out of you.  Breath. Wrap your arms around yourself.  You are loved.

2)  Spend your time where you want to, how you want to, with whom you want to.  If you want some alone time, make time for you. Say no to plans that overwhelm you.  Cancel if you want to.  Choose to surround yourself with people who make you feel most comfortable and who lift you up.  Do not feel guilty.  I repeat - do not feel guilty about this.  


3)  Nourish your body and soul.  You’ve been through an ordeal.   If you’re exhausted, it’s not your fault. You deserve some TLC like never before.  It’s time to eat some comforting, hormone balancing, mood boosting foods such as green tea, leafy greens, low-mercury & wild caught fish, blueberries, pure dark chocolate, broccoli*, avocados* and fermented foods (such as miso, sauerkraut, fermented pickles, and tempeh).  A few ounces of red wine never hurt anyone either. ;)

Eliminate your intake of hormone and mood disrupting chemicals and toxins in your food when you can.  The Environmental Working Group has made grocery shopping easier for us by compiling the Clean Fifteen* and Dirty Dozen* lists.  

4) Show yourself some love.  It may feel like your body and mind have failed you, but this is the time they time need love the most.  Draw yourself a warm bath.  Add 2 drops of lavender essential oil and 2 drops of rose essential oil* to help you relax and boost your mood.  Before you get in, exfoliate and moisturize by mixing equal parts of olive or coconut oil with honey and sugar. Rub it all over, then sink into the bath and let it work it’s magic while you work on doing just about nothing.  

One thing worth doing while you’re in there is practicing some deep breathing exercises. (If you don't have a bathtub, do this in bed or on the couch with some aromatherapy candles burning!)  Focus on taking a deep, nourishing breath through your nose and follow it into your stomach.  Notice how your belly rises.  Then let the breath fall back out of your nose and notice how your stomach falls.  Sync the lengths of your inhales and exhales to be the same.  Visualize this breath cleansing yourself and bringing in peace.  Repeat until your breath flows calm and steady and you feel relaxed.


5) Indulge yourself.  What brings you to the present moment, captures your undivided attention and makes you feel really good about yourself?  Perhaps it’s something small like treating yourself to those shoes you’ve been eyeing or being creative through baking or coloring.  Maybe it is going to a concert or rock climbing.  Perhaps it’s bigger, such as getting out of town for a few days.  Whatever it is for you - do that and do it unapologetically.

6) Get Outside.*  We’re creatures of nature.  Allow mother nature to comfort your soul.  Spend some time treating your brain and lungs to fresh air.  Feel the sunshine on your skin. Sit, walk, lay, run, whatever feels good to you, but spend a little more time outside then you normally would.  Eat your lunch outside, incorporate a longer walk into your commute to your work, ask a friend to go for a walk.  Take a drive to the ocean or woods and stroll.  Sit in your yard or on your steps. However you can get it in, do, as fresh air is a natural mood booster and vitamin D is essential to our well-being.

7) Connect with your partner.  This one may or may not be more complicated for you at this time.  No doubt your recent experience has been stressful on both of you in various ways, and everyone manifests stress in different ways.  Sometimes our pain can keep us from looking at our partner with compassion.  Start by trusting that he is doing the best he can.  Get outside and take a walk together, (two birds/one stone!).  Eat dinner without the TV on.  Write him an old fashioned note.  Send him a text that simply lets him know you’re thinking of him.  Open the communication channels.  You’re a team whether or not you’ve been playing for the same one recently.  Remember why you’re going through everything you have been.  It was to grow your family together, yes?  Check back in with your roots of love and partnership.

8) Identify your support system.  Whatever has brought you here, be it that you’ve had a miscarriage, ended a wanted pregnancy, suffered an ectopic pregnancy, and/or have been trying to conceive without success so far, one thing that we all face is knowing who you can lean on.  Family, friends, co-workers, your neighbors, even your husband, all approach this topic from a different angle and it’s difficult to decide who you want to discuss something so personal with.  Regardless, knowing who can support you through this is important.  Is there someone who you trust, feel comfortable opening up to and who makes you feel good about yourself when you’re in their company?  Usually, people are honored to know you feel close enough to them to share. Own your story.  You do not have to figure this out on your own.


Speaking of support system, there’s a reason our paths have crossed; there are no coincidences.  I’m here for you.  Childbearing years can take us women away from ourselves in even the most routine cases.  Adding pregnancy loss or difficulty conceiving adds another layer of that. Together, we can shift your focus on to you and your wellbeing.  Only time can tell what your path to motherhood will be.  You cannot control the outcome, but you can control your journey.  

Want to learn more about working together in a private coaching program?  Visit https://www.feelfireflow.com/services/ for details and find out how to sign up for a free coaching session.


*Additional Resources*

3) *Amazing Minted Guacamole & Pomegranate Seed recipe:


*“Crack Broccoli” recipe:


*EWG’s Clean 15: https://www.ewg.org/foodnews/clean_fifteen_list.php

*EWG’s Dirty Dozen:



4) *Rose essential oil benefits:



6) *The Power of Nature: Ecotherapy and Awakening


*The Transformative Outdoor Workout That Healed My Broken Heart by Brock Cannon